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What Westboro Baptists Have Taught Me About Empathy

“Hold on – you’re studying who to learn what?”

For the past three months, I’ve been on the receiving end of quite a few baffled looks and dumbfounded questions. They’re all in response to one statement: “I’m studying members of the Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) in order to learn about empathy”. 

The Empathy and the Religious “Enemy” Project (ERE) is an ethnographic-style research endeavor led by Dr. Hillel Gray, a professor of Jewish Studies at Miami University. For over ten years, ERE has been conducting interviews with members of profoundly controversial religious groups (like WBC) in an effort to understand their lived experiences as fellow human beings. Interviewers practice non-judgmental, critical-empathic listening in order to build relationships with individuals who are often hated and dehumanized by members of the larger society. WBC is known for spreading anti-LGBT, anti-Judaism, and anti-Evangelical messaging, and such behaviors have typically been disagreed upon by the general public. 

If you’re like most people I’ve explained this project to, you might be asking yourself, Why would anyone want to empathize with the Westboro Baptist Church? They say such awful things! If so, allow me to clarify: Practicing empathic listening toward these groups does not mean affirming or condoning their religious beliefs or practices, but rather acknowledging the full humanity of people who have been vilified and ostracized by those outside their communities. 

As a student researcher for the ERE project, my role was to develop an inquiry question regarding the way WBC members understand and express empathy. I then selected relevant interview segments and used qualitative data analysis software to explore my question: What type(s) of empathy do female WBC members practice in their workplaces? I compared nurse Jael (Phelps) Holroyd, massage therapist Rachel Hockenbarger, and correction officer Abigail Phelps in order to understand how the nature of each woman’s job may influence the type(s) of empathy she exhibits toward her patients, clients, and coworkers, respectively. Below, I share a few of my findings on empathy in the hopes that you may better understand the value of practicing empathy in their own conversations with perceived “enemies.”

    Empathy looks different from person to person. 

    Think about the last time you tried to understand another person’s feelings: Did you watch their body language for clues? Did you analyze what they said to understand their state of mind? Did you picture yourself in their shoes? Although they all represent a form of empathy, each of these strategies requires different degrees of mental, emotional, and even physical engagement as a means of discerning another person’s emotional state.

    My study of Jael, Rachel, and Abigail has taught me that different situations require different forms of empathy. As a massage therapist, for example, Rachel regularly practices embodied empathy, where physical contact enables her to understand her clients’ stress and pain without verbal conversation. Perhaps what is most intriguing is Hockenbarger’s reflections on her own use of empathy. She explains that she enjoys her job because of the emotional catharsis that takes place during a massage: “It’s emotional. I do sympathize with them and empathize with them…and it’s very physical. And so I think that’s probably why I like it. It’s therapeutic for me, or relaxing for me.” Hockenbarger’s description of giving massages as “therapeutic” indicates a profound level of empathic identification with her clients, in that relieving her clients’ pain and stress offers Hockenbarger a physical sense of release. 

    In a 2016 interview, Jael (Phelps) Holroyd responds to a question regarding how she is able to understand people outside the church and see things from their perspective. Holroyd uses sensory words to describe the experience of relating to her patients, saying, “You hear things about people, you see that they’re in pain…and you see it from their eyes” (emphasis mine). These observations suggest that Holroyd is attuned to her patients’ physical expressions of their emotions, particularly when they are suffering. Her description aligns with Aaltola’s definition of embodied empathy, which occurs when “one immediately perceives the mental states of others on account of the expressiveness of the body.” Holroyd’s use of embodied empathy makes sense, given her role as a nurse: she is expected to be able to understand and meet her patient’s needs, even when patients cannot fully vocalize those needs. 

    Abigail Phelps works as a corrections officer – a role that involves working with law, justice, and order. As a result, she tends to exhibit more distant, intellectually-based forms of empathy, including cognitive and projective. For example, when asked to describe her relationship with a coworker, Phelps used cognitive terms rather than emotional ones: “She is a puzzlement, there’s no question, unless you know all the pieces. And I finally have all the pieces, so now I understand exactly why she is the way she is the way she is.” Phelps’s description of her supervisor as a “puzzlement” indicates that Phelps is making an intellectual effort to understand her, which she feels she is able to accomplish only once she has all the “pieces” of the puzzle. By “pieces,” she is referring to knowledge of the events and experiences that have shaped her supervisor’s current personality and actions – namely, Phelps believes, her relationship with an abusive father. She further explains that gaining knowledge from her coworker’s experiences helped her to better understand her behavior.

    My research revealed that each form of empathy can help you connect with the people around you in a unique way. The next time you’re struggling to understand another person’s opinion or perspective, consider your own strengths, as well as the circumstances of the situation, in order to determine the best approach for emotionally connecting with the person in front of you. 

    We more readily empathize with individuals instead of groups because we relate to their emotional experiences 

    The WBC’s protests of such culturally “sacred” events as soldiers’ funerals have left many with the impression that members are insensitive to or unconcerned with the feelings of others. Despite this public perception, in a private interview setting, I saw a gentler side of individual church members that most people never get to witness on the picket lines.

    I saw Jael cry for the suffering of her patients; Rachel cry for a client who’d just lost a child; Abigail cry for a coworker’s abusive upbringing. I saw that, though these women publicly condemn large groups of people as sinners (including soldiers, homosexuals, and Jews), they have a deep capacity for empathy towards these people in personal, individual relationships – a capacity that extends even to those who oppose and persecute their church. For example, Hockenbarger specifically recalls having given massages to homosexuals she had seen on the picket lines, concluding, “And I empathize with them. They need a massage too: they’re under a lot of stress.” Just as it was easier for WBC members to display compassion and vulnerability in one-on-one interactions, I found that it was also easier for me to feel empathy toward these individual members, rather than trying to empathize with the church as a whole.

    In our increasingly divisive climate, it is all too easy to perceive a large group of people as a nameless, faceless, unfeeling mob. However, listening to individuals’ personal stories humanizes them. Finding common ground with one’s political “enemies,” begins with recognizing that the person in front of you is not merely an extension of a larger political entity, but a real human being with thoughts and feelings as complex as your own. 

    Empathy builds bridges.

    Abortion. Immigration. Same-sex marriage. I must confess that, when I think about the depths of hostility and prejudice that exist around our nation’s most controversial debates, I often feel a profound sense of hopelessness. How can we reach a compromise if we can’t hear one another over the shouting? How can we ever move forward if the only perspective we’ve ever considered is our own? One thing I know for certain: pride, self-assurance, and vilifying our enemies just aren’t cutting it. It’s time we try a new approach. 

    Empathy enables us to comprehend the lived experiences of others in profound ways. It allows us to see from another person’s perspective, while still maintaining our own moral values. The ERE Project defines empathy as “emotion-centered understanding” and proposes relationship-building as a way to reduce the prejudice and division that currently plague our political and cultural climate. 

    In the end, the point is not to change our research subjects, but rather to teach ourselves and society to be more empathetic and thoughtful when it comes to hearing multiple perspectives. Though I may not agree with many of the beliefs and actions of the Westboro Baptist Church, through working on this project, I have gained a deeper understanding of people I once found utterly incomprehensible. This realization gives me hope that empathy could help bridge the gaps in society that have for so long been tearing us apart. 

    Written by: Jessie Hicks

    Edited by: Emily Ennis, Cheryl Leow

    From Class to Research: Lessons Learned in REL 101

    “Understanding concepts such as internal diversity and critical distance have allowed me to explore relationships of people within religious communities in depth and gain valuable perspectives regarding various oppositional religious groups”

    – Emily Ennis

    When I registered to take REL 101 to fulfill my honors requirement, fall semester of my freshman year, I certainly did not foresee religious studies becoming a significant part of my academic experience at Miami. I’ve always been very passionate about science classes, and I am majoring in biology and pre-med with the goal of becoming a physician in the future. However, as we delved into topics such as evaluating personal biases and prescriptive writing skills, I became fascinated with the nuance of religious studies. I was very intrigued by the impact religion has on society, as people form communities around shared beliefs and values. I wanted to keep exploring these topics, and I eagerly joined Dr. Gray’s team a few months later to work on both the Preaching Goes Viral (PGV) and Empathy and the Religious “Enemy” (ERE) projects. In REL 101, I developed foundational skills such as implementing critical distance and considering internal diversity. Understanding these concepts has allowed me to explore relationships of people within religious communities in depth and as a result, gain valuable perspectives regarding various oppositional religious groups. I anticipate that developing these skills will be incredibly beneficial in my future career, as the ability to see others’ perspectives and employ critical distance are principal elements of patient care. 

    In REL 101, we spent a great deal of time exploring the concept of critical distance. This concept describes one’s ability to step back and attempt to understand a situation without allowing personal biases to get in the way. When practicing critical distance, I have found it extremely important to recognize my own situatedness, as social, environmental, and cultural factors all play a role in my personal perspectives and beliefs. By acknowledging my internal biases, I can become more aware of topics that I may have strong opinions on, as well as the root of those opinions. This consciousness allows me to avoid letting my personal beliefs interfere with good research and present our findings without biases. Employing critical distance can be especially difficult when a topic is highly controversial or may induce strong emotional reactions. However, I am continually learning to distance myself from those opinions while conducting research in order to present our research in an unbiased manner. 

    Another concept that we discussed in class is internal diversity, which refers to recognizing the fact that while group members may share certain beliefs, there is likely a significant amount of variation within the group. Often, we overgeneralize groups of people without even realizing it. When we fail to recognize internal diversity, we may jump to conclusions about an individual’s beliefs, background, or identity. We studied a sermon by Asian-America rabbi, Angela Buchdahl, who reflected on her experiences with racism in her own community. In the sermon, Buchdahl described several instances of discrimination she has faced due to her Asian descent, such as others being surprised to find out that she is Jewish. It shocked me how Buchdahl recalled that many people she interacts with are quick to discredit her status as a rabbi simply because she is Asian-American. It was interesting to see people lacking such respect for others who may look different even though they were a part of the same religious community. Stereotypes can so often lead to false perceptions and insensitive comments, and this can be dangerous in the diverse society we live in. By recognizing internal diversity within groups, I hope to minimize stereotypes in my work and instead acknowledge the unique individual identities of people.

    In the ERE project, we interview individual members of religious groups, such as Westboro Baptist Church. It is very interesting to hear members’ unique perspectives, and while they share many of the same religious beliefs they each have individual experiences and differences that shape their identities. Many of my initial thoughts of controversial groups such as WBC have shifted due to this research, as focusing on individuals’ perspectives allows me to see the humanity in each person rather than viewing the group as a whole. 

    My involvement with both the PGV and ERE projects have allowed me to explore the nuanced relationships within religious groups and expand my knowledge of various religious groups. Specifically through the ERE project, I have learned the value in understanding humanity and having empathy for all people, regardless of their beliefs. Learning to relate to others who may seem extremely different from myself has led me to become a more empathic person in my daily life, and I am grateful for the lessons that I have learned throughout my involvement with this project. 

    Emily Ennis (she/her) is a freshman Biology/Pre-med major at Miami University. After taking Intro to Religion last fall, she became very interested in the Preaching Goes Viral and Empathy and the Religious “Enemy” projects. She is looking forward to continuing her work from class, and is excited to explore topics so different from her science major. She greatly values learning about other cultures and religions, and is hoping to gain new perspectives through her work. In her free time, Emily enjoys rowing for the Miami club team, cooking, and painting.

    What have I learned about empathy from Empathy and the Religious “Enemy?” 

    What is empathy? I asked some of my close friends and family, and their responses included “a person’s  ability to feel for and  understand how someone is feeling with what they are going through” and “understanding and feeling the feelings that someone else is experiencing.” Empathy is a natural ability possessed by certain individuals; a person is either empathetic towards others, or not. 

    Before joining the Empathy and the Religious “Enemy” team, I would have said something similar. Empathy was an innate ability to put myself in someone else’s shoes, feeling how I thought they would feel, especially in tough times. I’ve always believed that we can choose how we behave around others, how we react to contention, but it’s a lot harder to choose  how we feel about the most skin-prickling situations. 

    Since joining the team, I’ve learned that empathy can also be a skill in need of practice. Empathy requires the ability to put emotional distance between myself and another person, while continuing to perceive and pursue a shared human experience. While I myself haven’t yet made a trip to visit the oppositional groups (Westboro Baptist Church and Neturei Karta), I read and discuss their beliefs and material on an almost daily basis with these projects. I appreciate the methodology behind our interactions with oppositional groups and what is often perceived as extreme and hateful language. Their beliefs and controversial language aren’t the focus of the project, even though they are often unavoidable. When interacting with each person, we look to go beyond their beliefs, focusing on their experiences, their feelings, their community. The most controversial religious groups, such as Westboro Baptist Church, still consist of parents, children, grandparents, employees, gardeners, musicians, and more, who claim to be working hard on behalf of their communities, families, and selves. They may employ controversial language to talk about their firm beliefs, but that does not mean that I cannot choose to employ empathy when encountering their practices and persons. 

    The skill of empathy isn’t easily taught in writing or in speech, but in practice with a team that is committed to the same goal. That’s what I find paramount about what Empathy and the Religious “Enemy” is doing. This project isn’t just collecting data or meeting controversial religious groups, Dr. Hillel Gray is building a system that teaches how to interact with everyone with respect and dignity. We learn to listen without disagreeing, and accept disagreement without antagonizing. In this way, I am learning how descriptors and interactions with oppositional groups often sustain a feedback loop of opposition and even attempted dehumanization, and how to counter this cycle. This is not only applicable in working with oppositional groups, but with every single person I meet. 

    Empathy as a skill is extremely valuable in a multitude of situations. With the Empathy and the Religious “Enemy” project, we are looking to train ourselves to recognize our mutual human experiences with individuals who espouse controversial religious beliefs. I’ve found empathy useful to reframe my own thinking both of oppositional groups and in my daily life. I look to employ empathic thinking  when hearing negative assumptions about others. In practicing empathy for Westboro Baptist Church and Neturei Karta members, I am seeking to improve the way I speak around others about anything, from families, religion, politics, and more. 

    Individual people aren’t caricatures. Each of us can’t be summarized into three or four belief statements. The more effort we put into practicing empathy, the more I believe we will be able to connect with each other and educate ourselves on the vast differences across the human experience. I may never agree with many of an oppositional group’s beliefs and statements, but, with practice, I can see the humanity in each individual, despite how they may speak. In this, I am hopeful that Empathy and the Religious “Enemy” can continue to teach myself and others to connect with each other to bridge ideological differences. 

    Cheryl joined the team in the Spring of 2022 to continue pursuing religion in an academic sense, having graduated with degrees in religious studies from the University of Virginia in 2017 and 2018.

    Alumni Essay: Why am I a part of Empathy and the Religious “Enemy”?

    The last trip that I took before the pandemic hit was to the Westboro Baptist Church. I remember driving to the airport on a frigid Wisconsin morning before the sun had risen, thinking to myself, “I guess today’s a great day to meet some Westboro Baptists.” On my nearly empty connecting flight to Kansas City, I ended up seated a few rows away from a fellow trip member, and we exchanged anxious chit chat as we completed our journey. After a productive, exhausting, frustrating, exhilarating, week in Topeka, I returned to the East Coast for my second semester of graduate school in January 2020, not knowing my time at the Westboro Baptist Church that winter would stick with me for more reasons than one.

    …

    I’ve been involved in the Empathy and the Religious “Enemy” project for the past six years, and people always ask me why. Why did you join in the first place? Why go back time and again? I don’t have a well-contained answer to these questions, but I think that my actions speak to a possible conclusion. Although I wasn’t able to attend the most recent Westboro trip in June of 2022, my absence wasn’t for lack of interest; I have a strong feeling that my future may hold a fourth trip to the Westboro Baptist Church.  

    To dig into an explanation a little deeper, I think that what fascinates me the most about experiences like the one that the Empathy and the Religious “Enemy” provides is the opportunity to move past the surface level of a dominant societal narrative and investigate how its subjects defy—and reinforce—that narrative. In addition, I like to joke that because I’ve talked with the Westboro Baptist Church, I can talk to anyone. My ability to sit in conflict and investigate its origins without fleeing from the tension that those situations inevitably produce has increased at least tenfold. Ultimately, my work with the Empathy and the Religious “Enemy” project has taught me that everyone contains moral contradictions, and what we do with the ethical discomfort that those contradictions provide is what determines the effectiveness of our advocacy.

    However, the most valuable aspect of my past six years with this project has, hands down, been the relationships that I’ve cultivated with the dozens of fellow researchers and collaborators with whom I’ve worked. Traveling with my peers and witnessing how they engage with interviewees and with other members of the team has made me a more thoughtful questioner, a more engaged listener, and (hopefully) a more generous team member, and I am a better person for having spent time doing fieldwork with these colleagues-turned-friends.

    Throughout the years, I’ve seen the Empathy and the Religious “Enemy” project change, and I’ve seen the Westboro Baptist Church change, too. I’ve witnessed the ebb and flow of membership rates as people have left and joined both the project and the church, and I’ve watched both institutions grapple with the enormous changes brought on by the pandemic. Even prior to the pandemic, Westboro had begun adopting a gentler set of messaging (yet still intensely homophobic, transphobic, and antisemitic, to be clear), particularly within their picketing signs. By mid-2022, both non-Westboro Topekans and Westboro members themselves noted Westboro’s decreased picketing presence. In other words, the pandemic has offered Westboro an opportunity to travel less both locally and nationally to spread their picketing message, and they have seized that opportunity to be less public-facing in this particular moment.

    So, too has the Empathy and the Religious “Enemy” taken a changed approach that was brought on in part by the pandemic. After embarking on a year-and-a-half-long hiatus at the beginning of the pandemic, the Empathy and the Religious “Enemy” project has effectively rebooted and is slowly rebuilding its team and refocusing its mission. As the need for good public scholarship has, at once, been sharply highlighted and sharply denigrated by higher education budget cuts, right-wing attacks on schools at all levels, and decreased bandwidth from both faculty and students brought on by pandemic burnout, the Empathy and the Religious “Enemy” project is attempting to rise to meet that challenge. The trip to Westboro this past June was only the first step of many in achieving those ends.

    Going forward, I can only anticipate what the Empathy and the Religious “Enemy” will accomplish as its members deepen research connections to the Westboro Baptist Church and Neturei Karta and develop new ones with other oppositional religious groups. As the United States continues to navigate the incredibly fraught social and political climate that we currently find ourselves in, I have no doubt that the work of the Empathy and the Religious “Enemy” project will continue to resonate strongly with an ever-growing audience. 

    …

    Margaret joined the Empathy and the Religious “Enemy” project in 2017 and has traveled to the Westboro Baptist Church three times, in 2017, 2018, and 2020. She is a graduate of Harvard Divinity School (2021) and Miami University (2019).