the blurring of certainty
some highways | like to bleed
in the same way | certain landscapes
like to dance | …kinda like
how the universe | loves to b(l)end
when you set that tab | atop the tongue…
and the mirage | of it all | begins | to dissolve
and every. single. thing. | that once was
d e l i n e a t e d | melts
into a pot | of this: acrylic soup.
and the peacock clouds
compile a sky | of things to come,
predicting this—
gorgeous | aftermath
where we’re all | embodying the shape
of water | with its stunning
twists an’ turns an’
curves an’ bends an’
meanwhile | our spines are
heavy with the weight | of memory
drowning down the burden | of momma’s will
cracking. | shifting. | —f r a c t u r i n g .
and as we | tumble in this tumult
i like | to imagine
the shivery shore | the moment before
the tsunami slaps:
and the water | overtakes
our world | in overwhelm.
‘til we see | nothing
but wave—
nothing but ocean | craving totality
that lethal curl | on its way
to reclaim
the roar of the dawn
with its blare of alarm.
and still | we’ll swear:
we never saw
a hint of destruction | in the forecast;
never saw
a trace of our whimpering | wounded horizon.
—never saw | anything | at all.
puttin’ the nation in discrimination
we’re the patriots of over- and under- ≠ estimation, of selling each other ≠ short ≠ minimizing minorities and our own biases ≠ ‘til we excel ≠ in undervaluing the underrepresented ≠ populations that we ≠ try to outshine and underappreciate ≠ ‘til we ≠ ’ve built walls we can’t tear down ≠ stuck in prisons of our own cons ≠ -truction, we erect such ≠ biased barriers, such ≠ systemic structures ≠ which advocate for ≠ the prolongment of ≠ america’s radical racism ≠ —a value we fly as oft as our flag ≠ ‘cause here in the good ol’ u.s. of a. ≠ we harvest our sense of belonging from ≠ the seeds of our own ≠ discriminatory acts ≠ it’s our best kept secret right ≠ (of passage) ≠ we love to discriminate ≠ gotta outclass ≠ gotta be the best of the best worst ≠ so long as we ≠ can continue to fortify ≠ our borders and ≠ so long as we ≠ can keep our groups distinct ≠ -ly divided ≠ ensuring a future in which we ≠ ’ve always got someone or something to contest ≠ ‘cause we love to fuel the self ≠ -limiting belief that ≠ diversity has this salmon-like way ≠ of spawning ≠ controversy.
we’ve got such a billionaire-rich history ≠ of fostering inequalities ≠ of warping communities ≠ with our bigoted disabilities ≠ weeding out those who refuse ≠ to fall in line ≠ so that we ≠ can continue to cultivate ≠ the greenest lawn on the block and ≠ the whitest burb in the city, so ≠ that we ≠ can continue to believe ≠ to diverse is to divide ≠ —that this misguide ≠ -d myth of equality must always be ≠ an impossibility ≠ in our stuck-in-reverse localities ≠ where topics like love and sex ≠ -uality lead lean straight ≠ to hate ≠ hate speech and hate acts ≠ hate kills and hate hacks ≠ hate laws and hate flaws ≠ where our differences in preferences ≠ ensure polarization severe enough ≠ to topple this global superpower villain
with a two-timing bigot for president ≠ with him at the helm ≠ (again) ≠ manifest destiny persists ≠ only now ≠ our god-given right is ≠ to worsen and worsen ≠ straight-up uncle fester’ing ≠ ‘cause hate is ≠ our number-won sports team, our ≠ number-won talent, our ≠ number-won export ≠ societally sanctioned ≠ encouraged and cheered ≠ protected and ≠ never, ever jeered ≠ not when we’re led ≠ by this chaotic chester cheater ≠ hellbent on institutionalizing hate ≠ with mummy musk’s bottom ≠ -less checkbook.
and what’s worse: ≠ the number of “us” that fly his flag— ≠ when did “we” learn to love to
(M)(A)r(G)in(A)lize? ≠ to love to exclude? ≠ to love to hate? ≠ to love to contribute to ≠ the perpetuation of ≠ our nation’s systemic trauma? ≠ to love this victim-denying culture? ≠ to love anything that benefits those visionary few? ≠ to love the true american freedom ≠ that only comes from being ≠ culturally reprehensible ≠ too bad we ≠ love to ignore and refute ≠ the things we can’t be bothered to learn ≠ that which is too diffi-cult to understand ≠ the truths that hurt to know ≠ god forbid we allow our garden of remorse to grow.
we the sheeple ≠ we the dull ≠ we the dumb ≠ enough to think ≠ inclusive is a reference to ≠ our own navel-(gazing) ≠ bold enough to employ “implicit” ≠ as an excuse to get by ≠ here in the land of scars-and-snipes ≠ where our patriotic problems are redwoods rooted ≠ so intertwined and ≠ weaved, knitted, and stitched into the perpetually bloodstained fabric of home that we ≠ assume it’s okay ≠ to exclude ≠ okay to discriminate ≠ okay to deny ≠ okay to polarize ≠ okay to be racist ≠ okay to be sexist ≠ okay to be fascist ≠ and okay to be self-purported victims ≠ so long as the narratives we sell ≠ ourselves and profit from ≠ continue to self-serve ≠ and self-soothe ≠ regardless of the damage done.
we the queer can’t love ≠ without suffering the wrath of your sins and ≠ we the women can’t abort ≠ without being scarlet-lettered and ≠ we the black can’t live ≠ without gettin’ killed for walkin’ the streets and ≠ we the rest can’t so much as advocate ≠ without raisin’ flags ≠ that we the ideological ≠ are on the verge of being purged ≠ by our own red-white-and-blue ≠ guards in this ≠ wholly unnecessary mirror ≠ -ing of mister master mao.
≠ welcome. ≠
to now ≠ to the nation of ≠ we brought you here but you’re not welcome here ≠ to the nation of ≠ never your problem ≠ to the nation of ≠ no mirrors here, no sir ≠ to the nation of ≠ outsourcing our woes ≠ to the nation of ≠ lazy Band-Aid first-aid ≠ to the nation of ≠ white-washed his-(s)tory ≠ and the nation of ≠ institutionalized brainwashed pride ≠ in a land where ≠ we’re taught to treat ≠ the fabric of the flag ≠ better than the skin of most ≠ taught to fear its disrespect ≠ (over our own) ≠ the land where it don’t take much ≠ to justify hate ≠ the land where guns ≠ are more citizen than ≠ our own immigrants, despite ≠ this narrative of our foundation ≠ that we’ve weaponized over and over again ≠ that we’ve always been a diverse die-first place ≠ where the notion of “we” ≠ will always be ≠ just beyond ≠ that distant horizon ≠ despite our sweet, sweet liberty being literally built upon the labors and lives of others ≠ discarded like scraps for swine ≠ ‘cause we the white right ≠ with our crooked spines ≠ will outsource just about anything ≠ give us the cheapest ≠ the easiest ≠ the biggest ≠ the baddest ≠ whatever lets us further glorify ≠ this sick, sick system of capitalism ≠ whatever lets us ≠ continue to pass the buck ≠ ‘cause fuck ≠ blame will always be ≠ so much easier than ≠ the flesh-ripping jaws of accountability ≠ let’s face it… ≠ we’re a nation of finger-pointin’ ≠ cowards too terrified to ≠ study the mirror and ≠ report back on the atrocities we see.
and hey ≠ the only verse we die by ≠ is that god-awful pledge of allegiance ≠ shoved down our elementary-school throats ≠ those daily chalkboard recitals ≠ having to act like we’re ≠ not chock-full of contradictions ≠ God don’t belong in policy ≠ but we put Him there anyway ≠ gave him a seat at the head of the motherfucking table ≠ and the only thing we ever manage to promote ≠ is your white-bread, white-collar dad ≠ —this is the promise of america ≠ -n demo plutocracy ≠ too bad the system’s junkyard busted ≠ who are we to trust the masses with morality ≠ when the majority can’t so much as find it in a Where’s Waldo ≠ can’t circle it in a wordsearch ≠ let alone point it out in a god-damn police lineup ≠ for fuck’s sake ≠ when we’ve sunk so dangerously low ≠ that inclusivity is nothing ≠ —nothing but unwanted ≠ nothing but an unreciprocated innuendo… ≠ an unprecedented cult ≠ the government will go on ≠ flogging us and flagging words (like these) ≠ ‘cause as i’m sure you know by now: ≠ we gotta stick our sick colonialist stakes in somethin’ ≠ gotta keep makin’ our claims and assertin’ our dominance ≠ ‘cause we’re trapped in the clutches of ≠ our own imperialist history ≠ still ≠ suffocating this strange sisyphean loop ≠ forever endeavoring ≠ to expand and
Abbie Doll is a Columbus, OH writer with an MFA from Lindenwood University. Her work has been featured in places such as Door Is a Jar Magazine, The Journal, and 3:AM Magazine, and has been nominated for The Best Small Fictions, Best Microfiction, and the Pushcart Prize, as well as longlisted for The Wigleaf Top 50. Connect on socials @AbbieDollWrites.