Navigating Important Conversations Before Sharing a Home
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto
Living with your partner will only live up to your expectations if you talk things through before the big day. In this post, we’ll show you how to approach important topics such as finances, privacy, and other key boundaries that could change everything.
Should You Get a Cohabitation Agreement?
You might be scared to ask for a cohabitation agreement, but this is worth it. This document lets you both formally set boundaries and rules that each party can refer back to when necessary. In fact, this is where you’ll formalize many of the below conversations.
However, these documents come with certain rules — with this in mind, here are a cohabitation agreement’s legal requirements:
- It must be in writing; nothing should be left as a verbal agreement
- It should be clear and cover nearly every aspect of the relationship
- It must outline each party’s assets and liabilities
- There can be no coercion or undue influence
- Each party must sign the document, possibly with a witness
Setting Clear Financial Expectations
You should always be upfront with your partner about finances. This is already quite a controversial topic, but it’s especially the case with couples.
For example, you and your partner won’t have the exact same salary, so consider how you’ll split the rent or utility payments. Should it stay 50/50, no matter what? Or should someone who is making more contribute more?
You should also discuss getting a joint bank account for the home; this can go towards the rent, groceries, and other expenses. However, you’ll need rules for how much you each expect the other to contribute.
Delegating Chores
Housework should be easy, but you may soon find that you and your partner have very different definitions of clean. Aim to split everything roughly 50/50 regardless. With this in mind, you should ask the following when discussing chores to help stay on the same page:
- What is your idea of a clean home?
- Should we take turns taking out the trash?
- What chores would you prefer doing?
- Should we account for different working hours?
- Do dishes in the sink overnight bother you?
- How tidy should the home be for guests?
- Would you want a schedule or more flexibility?you
Maintaining Privacy
You’re not a bad partner for wanting privacy at home; everyone needs to be alone sometimes. So long as you address this in advance, you won’t run into any trouble. Your partner might worry that you don’t want to spend time together if you don’t discuss it first.
Talk about how much alone time you’ll each need. This could even affect the properties you look at; for example, you might prefer a two-bedroom place. It’ll likely cost more, but it might be worth the price if you two fight or you just want to relax in your own space.
Balancing Your Social Life
You’ll likely involve your partner in a lot of your social events, but probably not all of them. While they’re your partner first, they’re also your roommate. This means they’ll need a heads-up if you plan on bringing friends over, especially if you plan on letting them stay the night.
You and your partner should address the following:
- How often can someone’s friends or family stay over
- When guests should quiet down at night
- Giving a heads up before someone comes over
- How well your social circles fit together
Keeping Separate Schedules
You won’t do everything the same way or at the same time — for example, one of you might be an early bird, while the other’s a night owl. This may not be a problem until you live together and one of you keeps waking the other up every morning.
You’ll also have to talk about bathroom schedules, no matter how much you want to avoid it. Do your routines overlap? It might be worth putting together a rigid schedule that includes when you shower/bathe, and even roughly when you use the toilet.
What Happens if You Break Up?
This is a question nobody wants to ask, but neglecting it could just make things worse. Not only do you need to talk about it, but you also need to put it into your agreement.
An exit plan isn’t you thinking things won’t work out; it’s just you and your partner preparing for a possibility. Here’s what your agreement should set out:
- If someone moves out of the property while the other stays
- How long can they stay before needing to find a new home
- Who owns what, and how you’ll split any shared purchases
- Who gets custody of the relationship’s pet(s)
Final Thoughts
You can’t rush into living together without diving into the important questions and conversations. Don’t avoid these; make sure your cohabitation agreement incorporates them. Otherwise, you might argue about finances, chores, and more within weeks of moving in.